Halo
by DressagePunk
Summary: Sirius's Stream of Consciousness, how he was saved from himself and his family, but one Ms. Lily Evans. Written for the HPFC Challenge by Gamma; Based on the song "Halo" by Beyonce.


Title: Halo

Character(s): Sirius Black, Lily Potter

Rating: T

Warning(s): Grammar, I tend to write very 'Stream of Consiousness'; because it makes sense to me, especially with this fic. And I don't have a beta, so my mistakes are all mine :) But help in that department is very much appreciated.

Challenge(s): Harry Potter Fanfiction Challenges – Extra- Difficult Songfic Challenge by Gamma Orionis

Word Count: ~1000

AN: This is a one-shot, based on the song "Halo" by Beyoncé

Sirius Black remembered when they started to fall. The walls he'd spent years building, the walls and emotionless being he had protected himself with. As a child he protected himself from his mother, and his abusive father. He didn't put up with their shit, and he didn't trust the love his mother tried to give. It wasn't love; it was some demented controlling thing.

At Hogwarts, he stopped himself by being hurt by the birds that just wanted a fun night with a Marauder. His walls protected himself, from the still pink heart that should have been black by now. Every other Black's heart was black, but his wasn't. He was the exception. He was in Gryffindor not Slytherin. He was always the exception.

But she was the one that made him fight for it, fight to not lose himself. Bellatrix had been haunting him for months, trying to get him to join Voldemort. He kept saying no, because of his walls. Lily Evans had helped. She was now happily dating James, while keeping Sirius sane. Lily helped him see that he wasn't doomed to become a copy of his parents.

He was the exception, the exception that allowed him to fight, fight for the ideals that he believed were right. And as he did, his protective barriers fell; he was able to hold true feelings for those around him. He had too, with the war as bad as it was, you cared for everyone, as if they were your brother, you didn't have a choice.

But he let her in; or rather she forced her way in. Forced her way into his heart, perhaps a little too much, but he'd never act on it. She deserved James, James wasn't broken into pieces. James was whole, James didn't have the issues he did, or the ties to the evil in the world.

Lily Evans was a bloody angel. She mine as well wear a halo around the blasted school. First, it was Lupin, she was the only one who ever figured it out, and she didn't care. He thought he'd have to leave Hogwarts; she just made it easier for him to stay. Lily Evans accepted him for the person he was, not the monster he became.

Sirius remember a blustery winter Sunday in the Common Room when Lupin had asked, "Evans you really don't mind me turning into a wolf one night a month?"

And her reply sent the Marauders into hysterics, "Only if you don't mind me turning into a bitch one week a month."

Next was James, sure he'd matured, and stopped cursing Slytherin's in front of her. But she was the only that helped the change. Lily brought out the best in James.

Lily brought out the best in everyone, even Sirius. She was his angel. An untouchable, magical, mythical creature; untouched by the darkness of humanity.

Sirius knew he'd do whatever he needed to he'd fight on whatever side she choose to fight on. He couldn't let her go, now that the walls were gone, if he let her go, he'd go black. He'd become the Slytherin, black- hearted beast he was expected to be.

Even though she, James and Harry had gone into hiding, he could still feel her. She had touched everyone, everyone in the order, everyone that quietly supported them. Hell she'd probably touched a Death Eater or two, not in the same way, but equally touched.

Sirius was addicted to her, like a hard drug. He couldn't get away, he wrote James about twice a day, knowing that Lily would be the one to write him back. He kept all of her letters. All signed, Lots of Love, Lily.

She loved him, as friends, even though he often thought it was more; she was James's. He'd swear he had fallen in love with her over their last year, but it wasn't the same love. More bright and friendly. Because it was just a friendship, and that's all it would ever be.

But gravity seemed to keep him grounded, the war kept him grounded. He loved the Potter family, James was his best friend, Lily had saved him from himself, and Harry was just about the closest thing to his own child he'd ever have.

Lily Evans wore a bloody halo, she had too. It must be hidden in her hair somewhere, because she was truly an angel. She was the angel that saved his soul.

She'd given him a bowl maybe a year ago. A fish bowl, and as the lily pad feel into the bowl, a koi popped into the bowl. The orange and black fish, swam in the bowl until the day the Potters died. The fish disappeared. He wanted to kill himself, he was the reason they were gone. He said the Dark Lord wouldn't suspect Wormtail. But Wormtail gave them over.

After they threw him in Azkaban, without a trial. He got a tattoo. A koi, across his back, because it symbolized perseverance through adversity and strength of purpose. Because he would avenge their deaths. He would kill the Dark Lord, and he would kill Wormtail.

No one should be able to take angels out of the world. No one should be able to rip a halo off the head of Lily Evans. But at the moment she was probably wearing an actual halo, because she died protecting the only thing he still loved.

It was times like this that he wished she never tore the walls down, those walls would have protected him. He didn't want to know his angel and best friend were dead. But now he had to feel it. He hated it.

He loved her for saving him, but hated her for the halo that saved him.

AN: Hope you liked, Let me Know :)


End file.
